EastEnders legend June Brown has revealed in her memoirs the guilt she felt over her husband's suicide.
Writing in the book Before The Year Dot - which takes a look at her early life and career - the 86-year-old recalls the tragic day in 1957 when actor Johnny Garley, who she married in 1950, killed himself in their bed.
The actress - who has since become a household name as EastEnders' chain-smoking Dot Cotton - also revealed that the events were predicted when she was just 16, by a fortune teller who told her she would face tragedy when she was 30.
"At 16 I was very interested in palmistry," she recalled.
"The fate line on my right palm broke into two parts that ran for a quarter of an inch on parallel tracks. I used to look at it and wonder 'what will happen?' Of course it was Johnny's death."
She also confessed how guilty she felt over his death, having previously walked out on him.
"I should never have left him" she admitted. "But I was tired. I couldn't stand any more."
June - who suffered marriage problems after Johnny began an affair with another actress - named only as Maggie W - while working in Cardiff.
She also revealed in the book that she did not tell her father of Johnny's death until three years later - while her mother told her: "You should never have left him."
Before The Year Dot - which is published by Simon and Schuster - is released on October 24.
